Posted in Loss
11/11 2013

The loss of a friend

So I guess its been a while since there was anything new posted from me (Steve) and from Gracenote. Not that there haven’t been things happening, but the focus of life has been elsewhere.

It feels like time to move forward again with our vision and to re-establish our commitment to providing resources and helping to walk with people through some difficult times and journeys, through loss, grief and bereavement. To find again hope and support in the arms of Jesus, as well as in the arms and company and love of our families, friends and community. I have realized again that working as I do in Palliative care that it is possible and necessary to an extent to detach yourself from some of what is happening around me. I realize too that the “Valley shadowed with death” of Psalm 23 is where I go to work.  It is not possible to engage all of our emotions all the time and still remain useful to those we are trying to help and yet how can we not when we witness such profound physical, spiritual and emotional suffering.

#domliveson

Two months ago today my good friend Dom lost his life in a boating accident-I STILL can’t believe it really happened and yet the evidence is very real. Times, places and people continually remind me of the reality of this loss and yet I don’t want to believe it nor accept it. Somehow it feels that if I come to terms with it I feel that I will lose his presence in my life. How do I do relationship with him now that I can’t physically be with him anymore. The parameters have changed but the relationship lives on and remains very real. Watching a TV programme yesterday one of the characters said while standing over his friends grave-” Do one thing for me, just don’t be dead” How that rings true. Something has changed that can’t be reversed and yet I still have the love for him and the memories. I know he is with Jesus and yet that does nothing to ease the immediate pain of loss and the pain I see in those around me who are also grieving.

 


You live on


It’s ok to feel pain, it is in a way the price of love. Dom lives on with us in our hearts and for the days ahead will be with us. I realize anew the value of my family, my friends and my community when times get hard, we need travelling companions. I wrote a song for Dom-the chorus of which is here, maybe I’ll record it one day-to celebrate who he is and was, but I’m grateful for his life’s song and how that melody continues to play out in my life now and in the years to come. This is very different from being professionally caring for people at the end of life, but I hope it will help me understand others better and be able to walk more closely in the future. I love you man and miss you profoundly-but you live on and you always will.

 

 

 

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